Foreword by Sandra Dodd: Pam Sorooshian has written something perfectly stunning, and stunningly perfect. She didn’t send a title for it. I’ve called it “How to be a good unschooler,” but it could be “How to be a good parent,” or “How to be a good person.” It’s a summary of some of the best unschooling knowledge of the past dozen and more years. It will help improve families’ lives for years to come.
序言：Pam Sorooshian写了篇文章，令人拍案叫绝，堪称完美。她没有写标题。我将该文章称为“如何当名好的非学校教育者，”，但也可以称为“如何当名好家长”，或“如何做个好人。”这是对过去十几年最佳非学校教育知识的总结，有助于改善未来的家庭生活。- Sandra Dodd
This was something I posted on the HSC list in response to a discussion stemming from a question about how to motivate a child to do schoolwork:
这是我在 HSC 上为回应如何调动孩子做作业的讨论而发布的帖子。
Give your love generously and criticism sparingly. Be your children’s partner. Support them and respect them. Never belittle them or their interests, no matter how superficial, unimportant, or even misguided their interests may seem to you. Be a guide, not a dictator. Shine a light ahead for them, and lend them a hand, but don’t drag or push them. You WILL sometimes despair when your vision of what your child ought to be bangs up against the reality that they are their own person. But that same reality can also give you great joy if you learn not to cling to your own preconceived notions and expectations.
1. 慷慨地爱孩子，尽量少批评。当孩子的伙伴。支持他们，尊重他们。千万不要轻视他们或他们的兴趣，不论他们的兴趣在你看来多么肤浅、多么无足轻重或者误入歧途。做一个引导者而不是独裁者。在前面为他们点燃一盏灯，助他们一臂之力，但不要拽他们或推他们。有时，当你对孩子的期望和他们就是他们自己这一现实大碰撞时，你肯定会绝望。但是，如果你学会不依赖自己的先入为主和期望，同样的现实会带给你巨大的快乐。
2. Homeschooled children who grow up in a stimulating and enriched environment surrounded by family and friends who are generally interested and interesting, will learn all kinds of things and repeatedly surprise you with what they know. If they are supported in following their own passions, they will build strengths upon strengths and excel in their own ways whether that is academic, artistic, athletic, interpersonal, or whichever direction that particular child develops. One thing leads to another. A passion for playing in the dirt at six can become a passion for protecting the natural environment at 16 and a career as a forest ranger as an adult. You just never ever know where those childhood interests will eventually lead. Be careful not to squash them; instead, nurture them.
2. 居家教育的孩子成长在充满激励而又丰富的环境中，被关心他们而又风趣的家人朋友所包围，他们会学会所有东西，而且不断会让你对他们的知识刮目相看。如果支持他们听从自己的热爱，他们会力上加力，而且以自己的方式在各自领域表现卓越，不论是学术、艺术、体育、人际关系、还是孩子发展的任何具体方向。一件事会导致另一件。六岁时，狂爱玩泥巴在16岁时可能会变成环保达人，而长大后可以当护林员。你永远不会知道童年兴趣会产生什么。当心不要粉碎了孩子的兴趣，要细心呵护。
3. Bring the world to your children and your children to the world. Revel in what brings you together as a family. Watch tv and movies and listen to music and the radio. Laugh together, cry together, be shocked together. Analyze and critique and think together about what you experience. Notice what your child loves and offer more of it, not less. What IS it about particular shows that engage your child—build on that. Don’t operate out of fear. Think for yourself and about your own real child. Don’t be swayed by pseudostudies done on school children.
3. 让孩子接触世界，把孩子领入世界。因为你们是一家人而狂欢，看电视，看电影，听音乐，听广播。一起欢笑，一起哭泣，一起大吃一惊。一起分析、批判、思考你们所经历的。留心孩子喜欢什么，多多提供，而不是减少提供。戏中吸引孩子的东西到底是什么——打造之。不要出于恐惧而行动。想想自己，想想自己的孩子。不要因在学校儿童上实验的那些伪科学而动摇。
4. Surround your child with text of all kinds and he/she will learn to read. Read to them, read in front of them, help them, don’t push them. Children allowed to learn on their own timetable do learn to read at widely divergent times—there is NO right time for all children. Some learn to read at three years old and others at 12 or even older. It doesn’t matter. Children who are not yet reading are STILL learning—support their learning in their own way. Pushing children to try to learn to read before they are developmentally ready is probably a major cause of long-term antipathy toward reading, at best, and reading disabilities, at worst.
4. 让孩子周围充满各种各样的书，他/她就会学习阅读。给他们读书，在他们眼前看书，帮助他们，别催他们。能够按照自己的时间表学习阅读的孩子学会的时间差别很大——没有适合所有孩子的正确时间。有些3岁就开始学习阅读，有些12岁甚至更大。没关系。还没有阅读的孩子仍在学习——以自己的方式支持自己的学习。在孩子没有准备好之前就推着孩子学习阅读可能导致长期厌倦阅读，这还算是好的，最糟糕的是可能会导致阅读障碍。
5. It doesn’t matter when something is learned. It is perfectly all right for a person to learn all about dinosaurs when they are 40 years old, they don’t have to learn it when they are nine. It is perfectly all right to learn to do long division at 16 years old, they do not have to learn that at nine, either. It does not get more difficult to learn most things later; it gets easier.
5. 何时学东西不重要。一个人到40岁再学习有关恐龙的一切知识也完全合理，没必要9岁就学。16岁再学长除法也完全没有问题，也没必要9岁就学。稍后再学习不会更困难，只会更容易。
6. Don’t worry about how fast or slow they are learning. Don’t test them to see if they are “up to speed.” If you nurture them in a supportive environment, your children will grow and learn at their own speed, and you can trust in that process. They are like seeds planted in good earth, watered and fertilized. You don’t keep digging up the seeds to see if the roots are growing—that disrupts the natural growing process. Trust your children in the same way you trust seeds to sprout and seedlings to develop into strong and healthy plants.
6. 不要担心孩子的学习进度。不要测试看看他们是否“跟得上进度”。如果你在充满支持的环境中培养他们，你的孩子就会按照自己的速度成长学习，而你也可以信任这个进度。他们犹如撒进好土的种子，灌溉施肥。你不需要挖开种子来看根部是否生长——那会破坏自然生长过程。像你信任种子会发芽幼苗会茁壮成长为参天大树一样信任你的孩子。
7. Think about what is REALLY important and keep that always in the forefront of your interactions with your children. What values do you hope to pass on to them? You can’t “pass on” something you don’t exemplify yourself. Treat them the way you want them to treat others. Do you want respect? Be respectful. Do you want responsibility from them? Be responsible. Think of how you look to them, from their perspective. Do you order them around? Is that respectful? Do you say, “I’ll be just a minute” and then take 20 more minutes talking to a friend while the children wait? Is that responsible? Focus more on your own behavior than on theirs. It’ll pay off bigger.
7. 想想什么真正重要，在你和孩子互动时始终把这当做头条原则。你想传递什么价值观？你无法“言传”你自己都无法以身作则的品质。你希望他们怎么对待别人，就怎么对待他们。你希望他们尊重别人？那你自己要尊重他们。你希望他们有责任感? 负责。想想他们如何看你。你是不是对他们发号施令？那样尊重吗？你有没有说，“就一分钟”，然后跟朋友讲了20多分钟，让孩子就那么等着？多关心自己的行为，而不是盯着孩子的行为。收获会更大。
8. Let kids learn. Don’t protect them or control them so much that they don’t get needed experience. But, don’t use the excuse of “natural consequences” to teach them a lesson. Instead, exemplify kindness and consideration. If you see a toy left lying in the driveway, don’t leave it there to be run over, pick it up and set it aside because that is the kind and considerate thing to do and because kindness and consideration are values you want to pass on to your kids. Natural consequences will happen, they are inevitable. But it isn’t “natural” anymore if you could have prevented it, but chose not to do so.
8. 让孩子学习。不要过于保护或控制孩子以致他们得不到需要的经验，但也不要用“自然后果”这样的借口教训他们。要彰显你的善良和体贴。如果你看到车道上有玩具，别让玩具就丢在那里被压坏，捡起来放到一边，因为这是善良而体贴的行为，也因为善良和体贴是你想传递的价值。自然后果会发生，这不可避免。可如果你本可以阻止却没有阻止，这就不再“自然”了。
9. We can’t always fix everything for our kids or save them from every hurt. It can be a delicate balancing act—when should we intervene, when should we stay out of the way? Empathy goes a long long way and may often be all your child needs or wants. Be available to offer more, but let your child be your guide. Maybe your child wants guidance, ideas, support, or intervention. Maybe not. Sometimes the best thing you can offer is distraction.
9. 我们不可能为孩子解决所有问题，或者保护他们不受任何伤害。这可以是一个巧妙平衡的行为——我们应该何时干预，何时退出？感同身受的时间很长很长，而且通常都是孩子需要或者想要的。尽量多提供帮助，但让孩子做你的向导。也许孩子需要指导、想法、支持或干预。也可能不要。有时你顶多能提供干扰。
10. Be sensitive to your child’s interest level. Don’t push activities that your child isn’t interested in pursuing. Don’t let YOUR interests dictate your child’s opportunities. If your child wants a pet, be realistic and don’t demand promises that the child will take sole care for it. Plan to care for it yourself when the interest wanes. Do it cheerfully. Model the joy of caring for animals. Model kindness and helpfulness. Help a child by organizing their toys so they are easy to care for. Plan to care for them yourself much of the time, but invite your child’s help in ways that are appealing. If YOU act like you hate organizing and cleaning, why would your child want to do it? Always openly enjoy the results of caring for your possessions—take note of the extra space to play in, the ease of finding things you want, how nice it is to reach into a cupboard and find clean dishes. Enjoy housework together and don’t make it a battle.
10. 对孩子的兴趣程度要敏感。孩子不感兴趣的东西，不要强加。不要让你的兴趣决定孩子的机会。如果孩子想要宠物，要实际，别要求孩子承诺独自照顾宠物。准备好当孩子三分钟热度过了之后，你要自己照顾。而且要开心地做。给孩子做榜样，表明照顾动物充满快乐。给他们做榜样，告诉他们什么是善良和乐于帮助。帮助孩子整理玩具便于看顾。做好大部分时间由你清理玩具的准备，不过可以用巧妙的方式邀请孩子帮忙。如果你表现出来痛恨整理清洁，孩子为什么要喜欢呢？公开享受整理私人物品的成果——记下哪里有可以玩耍的额外空间，如何轻松地找到自己想要的东西，手伸进碗橱可以找到干净的盘子多么愉悦。一起享受家务劳动，不要搞得像打仗。
11. Don’t pass on your own fears and hates about learning anything. If you hate or fear math, keep it to yourself. Act like it is the most fun thing in the world. Cuddle up and do math in the same way you cuddle up and read together. Play games, make it fun. If you can’t keep your own negativity at bay, at least try to do no harm by staying out of it.
11. 不要传递你对学习任何东西的恐惧和厌恶。如果你厌恶或害怕数学，自己知道就得了。你还得表现得好像数学是世界上最好玩的东西。凑在一起做数学，就跟你们凑在一起读书一样。游戏，使之变得有趣。如果你不能控制自己的负面情绪，那么至少置身之外。
12. Don’t try to “make kids think.” They WILL think, you don’t have to make them. Don’t use every opportunity to force them to learn something. They WILL learn something at every opportunity, you don’t have to force it. Don’t answer a question by telling them to “look it up” or by asking them another question. If you know the answer, give it. If you don’t, then HELP them find it. Speculating about an answer often leads to a good conversation. If your child stops seeing you as helpful when they have questions, they’ll stop coming to you with their questions. Is that what you really want?
12. 不要尝试“让孩子思考”。他们会思考，你不用强迫他们。不要利用每个机会强迫他们学点东西。他们会在每个机会学东西，你不用强逼他们。不要通过告诉他们“自己查”或者提另一个问题来回答他们的问题。如果你知道答案，就告诉孩子。如果你不知道，帮助孩子找答案。推测答案通常会产生很好的对话。如果孩子觉得他们有问题时你也帮不了忙，他们就不会带着问题来找你了。你真想这样吗？
13. When you offer a child choices, be sure they are real choices. Offer them choices as often as you can. Try to limit the “have to’s” as much as you can. Frequently ask yourself, “Is this really a “have to” situation or can we find some choices here?”
13. 当你给孩子选择时，要确信这些选择都货真价实。尽量多给他们选择。尽量限制“不得不”。不断问自己，“这真是‘必须’的情况，还是我们可以寻找别的选择？”
